I love music, but I don’t want to use music to feed my vanity; on the contrary, I should starve the vanity in me to death. Furthermore, too much of everything is obsession, and obsession is unhealthy. Also, a life after achievements is an insatiable life. It makes me want for more and left me miserable lonely.
I am still making plan for this year. I take my time. Time is precious, and I only have this one life. I want to avoid to live a regretful life. I would rather to think twice, not just accept every offer just because they are looking attractive. More recitals? More students? More organ master classes? More travels? How much more is enough? Am I content? Or are they only mass emptiness after excitements? Is this really what I want? To be precise, is this really God’s plan for me in this year?
However, I should be careful not to avoid responsibility by my own indecisiveness and procrastination. God is faithful, He will help me stay on course when I’ve gone astray. But not doing anything, it is like the servant hid the money under the ground (Matthew 25:24-25).
Where is the border? I guess, the 3 guidelines.
- Not at the cost of my relationship with God. To know my very unique purpose of life, I have to stay tune with Him. It is liberating me from the comparison with other and the stress of outcome. I only have to focus on taking care of my task. Because each one has very own task and whatever outcome is ultimately His plan.
- Not at the cost of pushing me away from my family and friends. Relationship matters most.
- Not at the cost of my health and well-being. If I am sick, I cannot do anything. And how could my music sounds good when I am unhappy and overstressed?
“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
(Matthew 22:36-39)
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’
If I want a breakthrough this year, I need to deal with the root of unhappiness in me, instead of keep doing and filling my time with what I’ve been already doing all the time, I should decluttering my life. I should schedule time to nurture things that bring me contentment. I still need time to arrange my priority, and need to pray for clarity from above. Because I do want a breakthrough.
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