This past Wednesday 28.9.2022 I received a letter that said “Residence Permit for Self-Employment” is granted and ready to collect. Exactly on the day when my visa get expired, not early or late, exceptionally on time.
Anyway, the earliest possible appointment to get the Residence Permit Card is on 9th of November. I cannot leave Germany until then, the tax and insurances can not proceed without it. And I have no idea for how long is the permit, 3 months? 6 months? 3 years?
Still I am relieved to know that it is arriving. I plan my organ recitals, I am motivated to practice organ, the organ lessons can continue, I check on the concerts that I want to visit and to be involved in an exciting project.
Precisely one year ago today, I’ve made the decision to leave my job as an employed church musician and announced it on my blog “Get off the Hamster Wheel” (link below). Thank you for your concern and support since then.
On the blog, I mentioned that how my teacher warned me about the difficulties of being a self-employed musician. That time I took his warning seriously and now I am feeling it to the full. But no matter how complicated are the things, I am a happier person now and I can sleep.
Last year I suffered sleep deprivation, I could may be sleep for some hours with the help of this medicine. I tried to be happy and kept myself positive with DIY happiness. It was useless, because deep in my heart, I was unhappy.
I needed to deal with the root – my heart, not the reaction caused by it like sleeplessness. It was also wrong to numb myself with forced positive thinking and pretending nothing had happened. The point was these did not actually bring me nearer to where I want to be. The fact that I was not where I want to be made me sad. I was trapped in an unending circle of sadness.
Since May, this five months of undefined status are very precious. For example: To learn and I am still learning how to differentiate between be patient and indecisive/ inactive therefore irresponsible.
Also, to exam how genuine is my faith. I am a Christian since I was a child, of course I am very familiar with verses like “God is able” or “nothing is impossible in God”, if it is His plan for me to stay, He will provide everything I need including the visa to stay. But do I let God be God in my life? Or have I treated Him like a wish tree or Genie’s lamp? How do I pray? Your will be done and guide me.
Why His will be done is so important to me? Because to me, everything is in vain without Him. Ultimately, God is love, He has my best interests at heart. Psalm 127:1 says:
Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain.
In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat–
for he grants sleep to those he loves.
And by the way, this is my favourite German idiom (based on this Psalm):
There are still many challenges ahead, even so, I give thank for I am one step further now as the residence permit is granted. Germans are celebrating Harvest Thanksgiving festival on the coming Sunday. And I celebrate with them.
PS On one day, it rained and rained and rained. But just before the sun was setting, I saw this piece of art on the sky.
Note:
To Blog Post: Get off the hamster wheel on 30.9.2021
https://thejourney-writing.com/2021/09/get-off-the-hamster-wheel.html
https://ko-fi.com/thejourneywriter