“There are a few times in life when you leap up and the past that you’d been standing on falls away behind you, and the future you mean to land on is not yet in place, and for a moment you’re suspended knowing nothing and no one, not even yourself. … … In spite of everything we’d lost, we’d been happy together that fall …”
― Ann Patchett, The Dutch House.
I have once been and now again in between the past and the future I mean to land. And I want to acknowledge the people that are constantly by my side.
To be a foreigner and a self-employed musician combine is very complicated. I am currently waiting for an answer to my working visa application, I am still very thankful that the immigration office issued a temporary document to ensure I am allowed to work when they are processing my documents.
With this temporary document, it is very difficult to plan. It could be worrying if I see it from a long term perspective. No matter how strange is it, I quite like it to make plan on 3 months basis. I have short term projects, and then I can evaluate, reflect and adjust myself. Close the case and start brand new project again.
I have some organ recitals and special worship services to play for the coming days. Once I have the visa, the first thing to consider is to plan a trip home. I thank God for providing jobs just enough for necessary since I become a self employed musician. For the return ticket home, I have to save extra. I am content with my life now, only sometimes I wish to be in many places, I am not complaining, I am just being honest, and I can wait.
And then, when I am stuck here, my British friends announced that they are visiting me in Germany, and have planned everything. What a pleasant surprise!
The year is beautiful because of October, the golden time and my birthday. If I can afford the travel, how I wish to be in Mozart Requiem in Toulouse, it would be a wonderful birthday gift to myself, also a reward after the hard working months.
How comforting is it, when I totally have no idea how to make it happen, I still can wish with an open-mindedness. Life generally, especially at my currently suspension state, one can wish, one can pray, God still know what is the best for me. Whether my wish is granted, He has His reasons, and His intentions are always good. Mörike said: “Lord! send what Thou wilt, pleasure or pain; I am content that both, as long as they flow from Thy hands.”
Herr! schicke, was du willt,
Ein Liebes oder Leides;
Ich bin vergnügt, dass beides
Aus deinen Händen quillt.
Wollest mit Freuden
Und wollest mit Leiden
Mich nicht überschütten!
Doch in der Mitten
Liegt holdes Bescheiden.
Eduard Mörike
Note:
I wrote a post about this poem by Mörike. Please read:
The most beautiful German word
https://thejourney-writing.com/2022/06/the-most-beautiful-german-word.html
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