Do you still remember the depressive post “Attending a pipe organ exam” I’ve written on 3rd of May? I felt destroyed and hopeless for having a life that I wish for. Then all alarm in me rang and called for action if I do not want to have a regretting life.
One thing to be thankful about is my organ lesson with my professor, finally I am learning another Bach’s prelude and fugue (in D Major) after almost two years and Widor’s Symphonie VI. Another thing to be thankful about is, I have got chance to practice on the organ in St. Kilians Church. I realized, how important to practice on an instrument that is inspiring and in a place with good acoustic.
On 3rd of May, after attending the friend’s exam, we went to an Italian restaurant to order food. While having takeaway pizza with friends at Friedrich-Ebert-Platz in Old Town Heidelberg, we casually talked about making video. In the same week, my sisters also suggesting me to explore this new land. Because they think I have a lot of written content in this blog, just make it multimedia, and try interdisciplinary with my 3 degrees: literature, political science, and music.
I never shoot and edit video before. Yes, I have content, I can write script, I am full of creativities and imagination. BUT, I do not have video shooting skill and editing skill. Which camera to use? Lightning? Which software to use? How to add caption? Footage transition smooth enough? How to add music? If I use music, which music is royalty free? Who own the copy right?
I do not have enough sleep recently. I have work, I need to practice for work and for my organ lesson, I conceive the content for my videos, watch video making tutorial, video shooting and editing. And suddenly, it is already mid night. And from 3rd of May to 29th of May, I have made 4 videos, unbelievable. I will continue to grow as I go.
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You might ask, what is exactly the life I wish for? The answer is I do not know it concretely. I am just striving to have more freedom in doing art (in my case music and literature). I once provided article for newspaper. I have to follow the wordcount, follow the topic, and the pay is definitely not equal to the time I spent. That is why, I prefer to provide free content here, and I can decide on everything.
You might say, may be one day if I am a bestseller, I can have more say. I doubt it, too much spotlight, I will end up do not dare to speak too much, do not want to hurt anyone unnecessarily, even though the truth has to be said.
I might say, may be to be a full time self-employed writer or musician (or jobless) whatever you name it. I am also do not have much fantasy about this. I have a job, I have to make endless compromises, this is the source of my unhappiness. But if I do not have a job, I will also end up making endless compromises because I am starving.
Still very depressive. At least, in May, I slowly learn to focus more on the thing I am really extremely enjoying doing, they are: imagination, creation, music, literature. Yes, I could not make a living out of them, because they are invaluable at the first place.