The last post ended with these words: I am at home in music. I think I need to elaborate a bit about what I mean. The thing is, both terms: music and home are very abstract to me. I am always trembling when I am going to talk about the terms that I have not yet comprehended.
My friends are very confused when I talk about home. They will ask me: “which home do you mean?” Because it could be the home I’m soon moving in, or the home I’m still living in, or the childhood home back in Malaysia, or any place that I once called it home.
A recent incident did help me understand “home” a little bit more.
My state of mind in January is a bit chaotic. My mind is like a monkey jumping from tree to tree every second, and could not decide which tree to stay. What music to play on Sunday? When to bring my cloth for donation? Have I make an appointment for measuring the new apartment? Have I filled in the form in order to get paid? When is the expired date of my visa? Have I informed myself about new Covid19-regulation? etc. These are the trees for the monkey to jump. I do not have big issue, just a thousand of small stuffs to keep my mind jumping restlessly.
Then one morning, I have a rehearsal with the violinist, we practice Rheinberger Op. 166. I arrived one hour earlier to check my fingering if I need to change, and practice alone before the violinist come.
I entered the church, it was so silent. I changed my shoe, turn on the organ, put the music score on the organ. I played the same bar again and again to try different fingering, and to feel which fingering sound better and has comfortable movement. Suddenly, the monkey disappeared. My mind was at utmost calm and peace. After the rehearsal, weirdly, I felt rested and gained energy again to bring a little bit order into my chaotic world.
I guess one aspect of home could be a place or an activity that I am able to feel rested and to gain energy to face the challenging everyday life again. Hence, this incident inspired me to say that: I am at home in music.