“Let’s put aside the visa and financial challenges, what do you want to be then?” a German friend asked.
“Schriftstellorganistin.” I said.
“Wie bitte?” the friend replied.
(Pardon?)
So no worry if you don’t understand what does “Schriftstellorganistin” mean, even the German friend also confused about this noun. Because I just created this noun, and I have not yet contacted Duden to add this noun into its vocabulary. (Note: Duden is a dictionary of the Standard German language.)
Schriftstellorganistin
Schriftsteller*in: Writer Organist*in: Organist
I explained more to the friend about my imaginary lifestyle. I will design some organ programmes to practice and to perform anywhere I am invited to play. But not too frequent, because I need time to write too. To write, I just need my laptop and internet to post my article, that’s why it could be a good combination with travelling. Travel to collect stories to write and to share music.
I have told my employer that I do not renew my contract because I need new orientation in my life. Part of my congregation knew about my decision, one old lady came to me and asked: “Do you wish to stay in Germany?”
I sighed deeply and analyze to her the difficulties I am facing when I am having the job, also the difficulties that I am about to face when I am leaving the job. I told her that I am exhausted so I have to let it go. She listened to me patiently, and said: “But you are not answering my question. My question was, what is your wish? To stay in Germany?”
“Yes, that is my wish.”
Then she smiled contently to me and her face was glowing. I was looking at her and then suddenly I had a lightbulb moment. The way she asked me, made me think like this:
Instead of focusing on the difficulties, I should focus on what I wish to be. Whatever will be after 30.4.2022, I have no idea. I would pray that I could see the possibility to stay in Germany that not yet come into my mind. But I should not be panic and rush into anything just because I do not have plan now. This is just beyond my capabilities at the moment.
However, the 6 months that I know I have is more or less within my capabilities. How am I going to live so that I will not regret? I will live it as if this is the last 6 months I have. Now, come back to the question, what is my wish? To be a writer and an organist.
To be a writer is easier, I just have to keep writing, which I am doing now. Only sometimes I am sacrificing the sleeping time. But that is a small matter.
To be an organist is more challenging, to prepare and play organ recital require time, discipline and energy. The programme is totally different from the programme I play in church. Other than playing recitals, I also need to build my repertoire. So I have doubled my organ lessons, that’s mean, practice time also need to be doubled.
Other than having lessons, it is also very important to get inspiration from inspiring really good musician by visiting concerts. You will know how I would miss and appreciate those concerts when you know the place I am coming from. We do not have concert hall at all. It is not that I do not like the place I grew up, I am just neutrally telling you the fact. In the next 6 months, the 3 concerts that I plan to be in are:
- Iveta Apkalna (organist), Martynas Levickis (accordion), and Benjamin Appl (Baritone) are performing in one concert. The programme included Monteverdi opera music, Bach’s Cantate, European folk songs and Antonín Dvorák op. 99,4. Psalm 23 (the music piece that I am most looking forward to). This concert is like a banquet for the ears. The box office is not open yet, I wish me luck.
- Martha Argerich (Pianist) and Mischa Maisky (Cellist) are going to perform César Franck’s sonata for cello and piano. I do not know that Franck written any cello sonata, I am just very limited in knowledge. Anyway, I know I love Franck’s all 3 organ chorales! I played his choral no.3 in A minor in my organ exam! I’ve got the ticket!
- Daniel Barenboim is conducting Schubert’s Unfinished Symphonie and Beethoven’s “Eroica” Symphony. I admire Daniel Barenboim especially his “The West–Eastern Divan Orchestra”. His commitment in peace building through music inspired me the most. I’ve got the ticket too!
I will be very thankful, if I could be in the three concerts, I could really leave Germany without regret.
This is the plan for the coming 6 months.