One day I was having lunch with a friend in a restaurant in Germany and saw this tin. I was shocked, because the tin look like the tin I saw in Jakarta. People use the tin to stored prawn cracker or biscuit. Moreover, the word that printed on the tin is in Bahasa, the language that widely use in Malaysia and Indonesia – Be Grateful (BERSYUKUR). Am I in Germany?
Shock after shock, just like experiencing God’s grace. Days ago, I received an email from Prof. Friedrich, he is the organizer of the Organ Masterclass I attended a week ago. He told us in the email that this was his last time organizing Organ Masterclass after 30 years. He also attached the newspaper article about our concert (see bottom).
This article is not to boast, but to remember God’s grace. I know I repeated myself many time, but it worth to mention again, my definition of grace is, to receive gift that I do not deserved. And to be able to play in this concert is God’s grace.
There is also nothing to boast about although the temptation is there. Prof. Lohmann said, we are all tempted to feel great when we sit before the marvellous organ and play magnificent Bach’s organ music. But, this is wrong. The key to play Bach’s organ pieces is humbleness, because he was a humble man, his music was never about himself. Whether you like it or not, he signed Soli Deo Gloria (Glory to God alone) on his composition. This is what his music about.
If you have read my blog for a while, you would know that I was very depressed at the first half of this year. It leads to a point that I wanted to give up organ and leave Germany. It is still very difficult at the moment.
When depression attacks, it would be so many mental blocks to overcome to perform. Usually, in the music world that I know, if I am not active enough to perform, I am out. I was thinking, it is actually good that I am out, I have nothing to lose and can leave this world that never belong to me easily.
Still, I am very lucky to have friends who keep me on track, keep me performing and urged me to join the Organ Masterclass. It was a great time, surrounded by talented friendly people. The most precious experience was learning organ from good teachers who sincerely love music. Selected by the teachers to play in the final concert was a miracle to me. Because all participants can play very good, or much more better than me. The reason that I was selected might be God knew I need encouragement.
Anyway, right after this good experience in Altenburg, the German foreign office gives me headache again. I am truly tired about this, dealing with the foreign office for almost a decade. I asked myself repeatedly, may be it is a sign to leave Germany for good after my working contract end? Where to? Is life still worth living if I don’t persevere for the thing I love?
Nothing in life would be easy though, but if my motivation is love, I might be happier I guess. I have been hurt so many times, but love keep me going and wounds keep me humble. Like the professor said, humbleness is the key to play Bach’s organ music. Holiday ended, and I am coming back to my humble organ and to serve God humbly. Just like the great great master – J.S. Bach.
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