In the year 2015, summer, in Basel at flea market Petersplatz. I picked up the CD box “George Frideric Handel Organ Concertos Complete”, 5 CDs for 6 franc. 2 years have past since my first organ lesson, and I was in my 2nd year of music college. I never heard about “Organ Concerto” that time, out of curiosity I bought the box of CDs.
This is how I met Handel’s organ concerto for the first time without knowing the seed of fate has been planted. After years, the CD was somewhere in my memory, but not too often played. Until last year summer, my mentor suggested I play the organ solo part, together with the chamber orchestra, we would perform Handel’s organ concerto in F major HWV292.
“Of course I would be very happy to play, but I never play with orchestra before, isn’t it too risky?” I asked.
“This is exactly what the internship for, to give you chance try on something new. Until December, there are still plenty of time. If you’re interested, just play.” the mentor answered.
After the meeting, I was sitting in the train to Heilbronn (I lived there) and I remembered the CD I bought in Basel. As soon as I was home, I quickly search for the CD, listened to it. And yes, I was interested in playing it.
I practiced it on several organs in Heilbronn, on the organ in Stockholm, when I did not have access to organ when travelling, I listened to the recording and read the score. After I moved to Leonberg I practiced it on several organs in Leonberg. I practiced it on every organ I know, only not on the organ for performance. That was a great mistake.
The internship started in October last year, I have new responsibilities, new city, new apartment. Adapting to the new job and environment took up all my time and energy. In November, my worry about the concert was getting worse. I asked for at least one rehearsal with the chamber orchestra before the final rehearsal and I must try it on the organ for the performance.
On 25th November was the rehearsal. The mentor and I arrived one hour before to assemble the organ, and I have a little time to try on it. Then the rehearsal began. My finger was unfamiliar with the touch of the keyboard. I stumbled every time I do the trill, and after stumbled I have problem to keep pace with the orchestra, all the semiquaver was uneven played. Instead of presenting a pearl necklace like sounds which I aimed for, the sounds I presented on that rehearsal was like a bowl of mixed porridge, a total catastrophe.
The thing with ensemble playing is if I made mistake, I am dragging everyone down. I felt so bad that I blamed myself for being too ambitious. If I have known where my limit is, I should not have accepted the task. There are so many good organists out there, for example in the next city Stuttgart, flooded with organist who can easily play this piece, it must not be me. If only I did not overestimate myself at the first place and took this job, the conductor would be spared from having problem. I still need to learn the wisdom to distinguish when to challenge my limit and when to be patience.
If, if, if. 12 days left to concert, it was impossible to import an organist from Stuttgart, the ticket sold out, my name was on the poster and newspaper. I only could stick to the end. People who think I am courageous, please don’t, it is a wrong picture, I just do not have any other option.
On 26th November morning, I went to church and put the organ together before practice. It is a special chamber organ that I need to joint together before I can play on it. First, I need to get the machine which produce wind. Second, I need to get the big tube to connect the machine to the organ. The heavy organ, the heavy machine and the big tube located in 3 different places in church. After practice, I need to disassemble the organ. This mean, those 11 days, I have free gym session by assemble and disassemble organ.
The church is open during the day, I heard the door been opened and closed from time to time, but it did not bother me. After practice, I discovered a note near to the organ:
“Danke! Ihre Musik hat mir jetzt grad sehr gut getan, besonders die streng getakten Läufe bringen eine solche Ruhe und Ordnung ins Innere.”
I could not believe it. My organ play on the night before was so chaotic that I wanted to quit, on the next day, it brought “calm and order”? Unbelievable. Reading this moved me to tears, because I felt God was there with me, I was not left alone with this mission impossible. The promise in Psalm 34, was so true to me at that very moment:
“Der Herr ist nahe denen, die zerbrochenen Herzens sind, und hilf denen, die ein zerschlagenes Gemüt haben.”
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
On 8th Decemeber was the concert. I enjoyed how the energy flowing between the orchestra and me. The intimate sounds of chamber music filled up the big church. To share this wonderful moment with some hundreds of audience was charming, most of them were stranger to me, but as I was playing, it felt like they were my friends.
On 10th January this year, I visited my German family in Heilbronn to get my Christmas gift. I work during Christmas season and I was in Bristol on new year. That’s why I did not see the family until January. She could not make it to my concert, so I brought the recording of the concert and newspaper about the concert for her. She read it out loud:
“Michelle Wong (Orgelsolo) interpretierte dann zusammen mit dem einfühlsam begleitenden Kammermusikkreis Leonberg unter der Leitung von Attila Kalman das Orgelkonzert in F Dur op. 4 Nr. 4 von Georg Friedrich Händel, das dieser für das Oratorium “Athalia” komponierte. Der improvisatorische Charakter und die überall auftretenden sequenzartig ausgedehnten Ketten virtuoser Spielfiguren wurden von Michelle Wong in ausgezeichneter Weise herausgearbeitet. Die Plastizität der melodischen Entwicklung kam so nicht zu kurz. Und auch die besondere virtuose Brillanz ließ nirgends zu wünschen übrig. Eine geheimnisvolle Gedankenverbindung zwischen Orgelklang und sakraler Weihe beeindruckte die Zuhörer dabei nachhaltig. Und Michelle Wong machte einmal mehr deutlich, dass dem Organisten hier viel Raum zur freien Ausschmückung gegeben worden ist.”
(Leonberger Kreiszeitung | Dienstag, 10 Dezember 2019)
“I am glad that the music critic like my performance. Let’s listen to the recording.” I said and press the play button.
The music was playing. I frowned when I heard the unhappy trill that I played and I sighed excessively when I heard the unclean note that I produced. Later, she asked me:
“Could you please stop doing that and be happy about what you’ve achieved? Have you ever imagine that you would play this when you’re still having lesson with Mr. A (my very first organ teacher) ?”
“No, that time I do not even know this organ concerto exists. And no orchestra want to play with an inexperienced organist. Too risky.”
Still remember the encounter in Basel and the nightmare rehearsal I have told you earlier?
And something good happened to me that I do not earn with my effort, I call it grace.
Immerse myself in the past glory is not my style. I type this story down to record how He helped me. If I find myself again in deep valley with no way out, I will read this story and remember the promise:
“Der Herr ist nahe denen, die zerbrochenen Herzens sind, und hilf denen, die ein zerschlagenes Gemüt haben.”
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”